Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
