peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
