I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
please come you make the beer taste better
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
