i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
