WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
