why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
