Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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