omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
