Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
