just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
