Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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