Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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