Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
