my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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