Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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