'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
