I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
