he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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