Sober January is a disaster.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
