you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We are all done wearing pants today
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
