So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
