Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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