How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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