I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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