if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
