What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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