Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
