Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
