speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
