i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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