Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
