Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
