So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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