I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
