If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
