Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
