No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
