john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
