You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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