last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
