dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
