wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
