I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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