Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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