a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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