I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
