She is in my trunk
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
