We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
