What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
