I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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