I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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