Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
