their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
