he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
