So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
