I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
