i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
