Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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