I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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