I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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