im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
