he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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