I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
