there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
