: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
