Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
