Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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