she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
