Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize