and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
