My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
