his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
