he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
