Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
