Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
