Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
